i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
