go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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