This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
