my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
