Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
