RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
