i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
