i would punch a child for taco bell
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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