you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
