so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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