You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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