But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
