i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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