My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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