I puked a lego.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
