i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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