do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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