we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I puked a lego.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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