I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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