i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
