dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
