I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
