i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
