I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
