Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I need moral support for this bender
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
