you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
