saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
