non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
