I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
