do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
