i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We got so high we made milksteak
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
