So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
