oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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