every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
