So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
