Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
