If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
