I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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