went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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