We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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