Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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