my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
