She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
