he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
