the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
