If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
