May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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