Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
