She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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