fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
